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When reports emerged that a prominent couple had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it brought addiction back into the national conversation. However, parents grappling with a child’s substance use fear the discussion will focus on an exceedingly rare act of violence rather than the far more common dangers of the disease.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the news. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to painkillers and later heroin, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehab and jail. After seven excruciating years, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just heartbreaking,” states Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through their own use, a family member’s addiction, housing instability from addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or loss, according to recent data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or 48.4 million people, had a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” emphasized Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really dangerous and the potential for causing violence.”

She also advised against jumping to conclusions about the reported involvement of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether substance use or psychological distress were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and fill in the gaps to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may lead to agitation, a violent crime like a double homicide is exceptionally rare.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything remotely close to aggression. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is far more probable to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not of their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that knock on the door telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the ER saying a son was unconscious; from prison, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle loneliness—wondering if the addiction was caused by some mistake they made; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be content one day and in despair the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are can become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of disease, you can get over this disease, too. You can recover and be productive,” said Grover. “If you try and you stumble, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll take it and take it.”